 | Biography/Personal Statement
|
| I grew up in a solid loving family. My brother and
sister were out of the house while I was young. Pam left shortly
thereafter. I excelled in school and sports. Dad had high expectations
of me...I thought. .
While my older siblings were becoming very successful in jobs, in the
army, college and life in general, I rebelled in High school, I wanted
to fit in and had begun to place expectations on myself to keep up the
family name. I think, when feeling insecure, I would try to fit in
with the cool crowd by drinking and then making a point to become good
at it. I didn't go away to college since everyone (including myself)
seemed to recognize my life had begun to deteriorate, so I went to
junior college, partied, made friends, wrestled and began a string of
jobs that would not last long. I began a career in the electrical
union which I would later lose due to drinking and so picked up work
as a painter. By the age of 24 I had become a daily maintenance
drinker, my family organized an intervention and I was off to rehab. I
thought I came out of there shining, began a long period of sobriety
and things came around pretty quickly. By the age of 27, I was
married, had bought a home and started my own company. Through hard
work and an ability to gain confidence from customers, retailers,
accountants and attorneys I enjoyed a level of success but due to my
new disease of workaholism my wife left me and we got divorced.
At
that time I got a dog, named Champ who would become a major part of my
life, apart from the divorce all other areas of my life really began
to take off. Business was booming, banks were giving me loans, I
became a wrestling coach, a certified fitness trainer and was elected
president of a local Kiwanis Club. I began a relationship with a
beautiful, classy woman that would continue for the next five years.
We would enjoy trips together, I got involved in the lives of her
children and invested all I had into this new relationship. During
this time, A.A. began to fall by the wayside, I felt I had a good grip
on life and on myself. After a few bad financial decisions she left
me. I threw myself even harder into work tried to rebound, dated
again, had a series of short relationships, (that left me feeling
empty inside). On one of these dates I bought a bottle of wine and had
my first drink in a very long time. It seems to me a slow and evil
progression followed. This relapse would inevitably take everything
from me. From 1998 onwards every aspect of my life would disintegrate,
I would lose everything I had gained. Champ would have an
owner who would disappear in and out of hospitals, rehabs and
eventually jails. I went from being a pillar of community to becoming
a joke. I discovered sedatives and pain medication and after initially
thinking they would help me to function I would soon realize they
would add a new dimension to my disease and only further complicate an
already complex life.
When Champ died it was a if a part of me died and much of the life
that followed appears to be in something of a fog. Having well and
truly worn out my welcome with family and friends, hospitals and
rehabs, I moved to Trenton with the hope of beginning a new life of
sobriety. Despite the position of manager of a halfway house I
continued to struggle with painkillers and alcohol until, by the grace
of God I ended up at Tabor House.
I found it difficult to maintain my sobriety here and a series of
relapses would send me away, more hospitals, more 1/2 way houses, more
dalliances with death. I finally succumbed to the idea of life and
booked myself into a long term rehab at the end of 2005. Again by the
grace of God I extended my stay at the rehab and gleaned all the
assistance I could in order to prevent further relapse. The physical
cycle of pain was finally lifted and Grace once more afforded me the
opportunity to return to Tabor and I thank The good Lord for Gez.
The past 90 days have been a blessing to say the least. I am finally
sober for today and things are getting better, the obsession to drink
and drug has been lifted. I am still dealing with, and working on,
personal issues and while it is a lot of hard work it has been
suggested to attack my disease on a daily basis with a program of
recovery that is physical, mental and spiritual. Today I am finally
listening to that advice. I pray that God will bless my mom, my family
and my brothers at Tabor and I can honestly claim to be a very very
grateful, recovering alcoholic.
|
|
