 | Biography/Personal Statement
In A.A., they speak of a Higher Power. I never knew I had a Higher Power. I thought I had a God. But when the people who taught me who God was, didn’t practice what they preached, I began to doubt my God. So I fancied myself a “free thinker”, leaning toward a non-denominational God. I turned my thoughts to material goods, and experiences that brought me pleasure. I gradually lost my focus on God, until He didn’t matter in my life. I found myself struggling for an explanation of what life was all about. Scientology, agnosticism, even atheism, were no longer that far-fetched. Without any definite answers, a failing work life and a faltering marriage, I sought to flee this world. I made two direct attempts, I was sure would get it done. Neither effort succeeded, and I ended up in rehab. I became their model citizen, so they had me lead their meetings. I thought I was on top of the world when I came out, but I wasn’t really ready, and I took a huge, huge dive. It was then that I decided to simply drink myself to death.
I entered Tabor House with a new found willingness. I got a job the very next day. And I started to believe. I chose Tabor House over other options because I knew deep inside that I was spiritually diseased and bankrupt. I’ve been to about 150 A.A. meetings in 150 days, and I’m reading spiritual literature. I am actively trying to feel spirituality and feel God’s presence in my life. I honestly really wasn’t feeling it for the first couple of months, although I felt great otherwise. I learned though, that I have to stick with it long enough to experience the miracle. I believe in that. Now, something’s changing that is difficult to explain. I’m beginning to experience the miracle.
I used to flee from my feelings. Today, I embrace them. I notice the tiny little veins in the single brown maple leaf that fell from that tree and is flatly matted against the wet sidewalk. I turn my eyes skyward and notice a lone bird with wide spread wings sailing against a cloudy sky. I wonder what it must be like to be that bird high above the city skyline, peering down. A few hundred years ago, that same bird might have flown that exact same route, and seen such a tremendously different scene. How the world has changed so much! How I am changing so much.
Tabor House is helping me to shape a new found blossoming spirituality. The Men of Tabor all have something to teach me, and I offer freely back to them. They’re my brothers in this journey. We all support each other. This is a part of the miracle. This miracle is life. This miracle is love. This miracle is God. Thank You God.
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