Reflections On Community.

I believe Thomas Merton once said man cannot live in community if he is unable to live alone and that man cannot live alone if he is unable to live in community. Unfortunately there is no context here though there is a link to follow for more of Merton's writings if you so desire, (click here), but my take on Merton's thought is based upon the context of my life. My life in the Tabor House, life in the friary, life in the hermitage, life in the lay community, life in the university campus, life on the streets and family life...my whole life has been based on communal living! Whether you are single or married, priest or nun, eremite or cenobite, Buddhist or Muslim, black or white, young or old, whether we are philosophically inclined or intellectually bankrupt we are all called to a life of community. We are not called to be solitary beings we are called to be relational and that involves a significant other.

Martin Buber, in his book, 'I Thou' refers to that 'significant other' relationship in terms of loving God, our neighbor and ourselves. Living in community whether it be in a house of men, a church body, a political body, a body of fellow employees, even as members of a gang or a particular club, suggests that we are all innately looking to be loved and to love, and community alone helps satisfy that desire in a way that nothing else can. Communal living by nature forces the envelope. It provides us with challenges, with opportunities, it can force us to love. People we live with, people we are committed to in an intimate way act as a mirror and reflect both our gifts and our gaps. It provides us with an opportunity to commit ourselves to the life of another. To spend freely of our time, our talents, our abilities and our energy in helping another person and in being helped by another when our own resources are low.

Life at Tabor has provided much of the aforementioned communal necessities. I am able to witness as well as take part in the lives of the men I live with, and this privileged position has afforded me much grace indeed and for that I am, more often than not, amazed and filled with gratitude. However,  the 'blood sweat and tears' lived out reality is not nearly as 'Hollywood' as a piece of writing on a web site might make it sound. The truth is that I find it hard to get over my selfishness and to commit myself to the needs of others...especially when Id rather do something else, or be somewhere else. Oftentimes the opportunity to love seems to rear its head at inopportune moments. Moments that appear most inappropriate and in ways that are not too comfortable. Whether it be early in the morning when you are trying to pray or to read or to be quiet or simply to be left alone, whether  it be right in the middle of something, whether it be in the shape of a leaky roof, or a sewage pipe break, or in the shape of another broken or lost item of necessity, whether it be in the face of another's defiance or laziness. It might be in the face of misunderstanding or confusion, it might be in the face of personal frustration, on and on you could go with reasons behind the belief that communal living is hard, it is not Hollywood, but, for the times when you are able, by Gods grace to pull it off it is awesome. The fruits are phenomenal and the rewards are unbelievably satisfying. If communal living acts as a mirror for our gifts and our gaps then we must be thankful for the agents that are used to reflect the truth of who we are and help us to both share the wealth as well as iron out the creases. Communal living might be difficult because we are indeed by nature a selfish people but the growth that comes from these types of committed relationships truly brings about a change that we are absolutely in need of.

Over the course of my time in this house and throughout the course of other writings on this site I have alluded to the many ways God has used people to turn me around, to bring about my own necessary conversion. I can relate to you the chats I have had with the men. I can tell you of their internal and external struggles. I can tell you of their perseverance, their trips to the prayer room, their coming from and going to meetings, their journeys into church groups, their struggles with money, with women, with politics, with employment, with family-life, with their past, their present and their futures and of their spiritual, mental and physical battles. it can be exhausting, draining, frustrating but it can also be hilariously funny, inspiring, moving and life-giving. This is the reality of trying to live in recovery. Alcohol is merely a symptom of our 'ism'.

Living with alcoholics and alcoholism can provide moments of tragedy as well as moments of comedy. These may seem strange bed-partners but they almost appear inevitably linked in the process of conversion. on the one hand we are so self important and on the other hand we are so lacking in self importance. The ways in which we view ourselves are at times to be both pitied and laughed at. Many of the men here (and, in my opinion throughout the world) can grasp the importance of loving God and then grow into the idea that is also important to love our fellow man, but soooo many of us struggle so much to love ourselves. We need a yardstick, an accurate framework, a reference point by which we might not be too soft or too hard on ourselves, that reference point is community, communing with God and with others. By nature of our very existence we have a place in space and time therefore we must recognize that we are a part of and are connected to the whole of creation, to those that have gone before us and to those that will follow. We are called to be a member of, and to make a difference in, the world in which we live and the world to come. We are indeed relational beings. We are indeed called to live with and to love God and our fellow man and by doing so we are provided with the necessary means by which we might truly recognize who we are, who we have been, and who we are called to be...and this is the greatest fruit of love.

Communal living means responsibility, commitment, spirituality, courage, perseverance, accountability, patience, wisdom, understanding, forgiveness, humility, obedience, chastity, charity, to deny the fact that we have the ability/ies to live in community is to deny the very nature of our existence and to block the fruits that come from the aforementioned, those being dignity, integrity, contentment, peace, joy, satisfaction, fulfillment and love. Ultimately love is the key!

While I have not yet found that perfect community with which to belong (for I am not yet perfect), it is not so important, for I believe and I pray that a time will come when the perfect God will take care of business on that issue. Until that day I will strive to follow His example and try to do the best I can using the many tools that are offered, for He surely must be the source of all my other communal relationships and the ultimate goal of every relationship I can ever have. Let us pray for one another that we might remain faithful in our efforts to love today and every day.